Becoming vulnerable catches us by surprise sometimes. A horse can act perfectly normally in any situation. He does not fear the opinions of others; he does not think about his actions; he just reacts authentically to his surroundings. Wow, that sounds relaxing!
So yesterday, when my mom agreed to tape me working with Storm (or rather, dancing with Storm) I thought it would go great because the last few sessions had been exhilarating! Dancing around the pasture (literally) with my rubber boots on – singing and clicking my heels – seeing Storm’s bright and interested expression as I spun past him …it was gloriously cinematic *sighs* Nobody was more excited than I was to finally have someone with a video camera to catch the moment. And guess what? Splat. Storm said, “I’m out!” I was tripping over horse poop …yeah, it wasn’t Disney, that’s for sure.
“Mom, I’m so embarrassed!” I wailed. “I don’t know if I can live with this video!”
“Why? To whom are you accountable to?” she asked in return.
Hmm …good question. The video we just filmed was totally experimental with no future audience whatsoever. “To myself,” I squeaked, holding back the tears. It’s funny how sometimes becoming vulnerable is merely the art of loving yourself no matter what; forsaking big plans for what what you actually got that day.
Horses teach us vulnerability at it’s finest. They teach us to become vulnerable to ourselves. Vulnerability means accepting what the moment brings and responding the way you, and only you, would respond. Vulnerability means following your path at your own pace. Vulnerability means looking back down the hill (no matter how steep or shallow) and realizing that you still climbed a hill.
The video I managed to salvage from the afternoon is actually not that bad. And perhaps (if I can get over my pride) I’ll post it one of these days. But the real lesson (besides the fact that rubber boots are NOT dance shoes) is that in order to do anything great, I’ll need to become vulnerable – to Storm, to my mom, and even to myself!
Cheers to becoming more vulnerable!